you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
