Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
