Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
