Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
