My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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