I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
