Me. At least after what I've been through.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
