Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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