had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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