So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
