Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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