Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
