lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
