I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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