the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
