There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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