Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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