I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
