I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Everyone says I win the strip club
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dick very happy bro
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
