hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
