I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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