I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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