Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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