The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
