drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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