Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
this is an emotional support booty call
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
