Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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