I wannas sexs uuuuu
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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