hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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