fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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