ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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