I heard we made out
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
