I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
