and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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