So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
