i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
