no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
