I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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