I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
this will be a night to untag.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
