New low: just hacked my moms facebook
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
