the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
