census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So squirting runs in the family.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
