If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
