pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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