my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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