I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
