Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
