My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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