is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You took a bar mat shot.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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