there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
