so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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